Being Lame Just Got Cool
By DIZZ TATE
dizztate(at)hotmail.com
Ah, the many types of styles are like a huge closet full of hope and wonder. The tour begins with the flamboyants, the range of girls in tube tops and denim skirts, the air full of charming advice about plastic surgeons, and everyone bumping into each other with their inhumanly enlarged body parts. I once did have an experience like this actually; a very pretty girl practically knocked me over with her basoomas. She did not even seem to notice. I, however, was very dignified about having suddenly found myself on the floor.
Anyway, moving on, the flamboyants chatter and laugh, showing lots of teeth and trying to get attention. Their looks change like desert winds, feisty little creatures with lots to say, none of which particularly matters. Past the flamboyants are the cooler varieties of people, the ones who are very elegant without being snobby. The ones everyone wants to be friends with, but the ones who are too nice to hate.
Back in the corner, we can just make out the faint outlines of the indie teenyboppers; their hands graced with rather metaphorical and depressing song lyrics, but let us ignore them, as they like to be.
Let us too ignore the coolies, and focus instead on the people that have all reared their faint heads inside our innermost souls. The freaking lame-os.
Now, lame-o is an easy word, mostly abbreviated to plain old “lame,” but I think the o adds a certain je ne sais quoi to the situation. What is a lame-o? It is you, it is me, it is all of us in this happy family! Who has ever practiced booty dancing in the privacy of their bedroom? Who has ever laughed a little too loudly at their own terrible jokes such as “Why did the man take the mushroom to the party? Because he was a fun-guy?” Furthermore, who has ever continued this joke by adding, many times, “Do you get it? FUNGI, like fun-guy?!!!” Who has ever put their pajamas on at 2 o’ clock in the afternoon? Who has ever eaten an entire packet of cookies in one sitting?
The answer is everyone! Woot! See, my philosophical musings on life that I had earlier this evening said they are sick of acting like a lame-o. I am sick of hunching in my shoulders when I hear the call of a rapper! I, too, wish to shake my “ass” {and not to be ashamed of giggling when I say the word either!}, and who cares who stares? Stare away, mateys, for this is life, and, as a lame-o, we all wish to participate.
However, let’s get away from that perhaps pointless little reverie, and journey back into the fashion world. I have been thinking about what has been fashionable lately, and it seems, quite honestly, that being cool is almost synonomous with being lame. Example: Everyone’s still watching American Idol, everyone joys in listening to techno, and it is also considered “cute” to wear your pajamas at odd moments during the day, tell terrible jokes, and even laugh at your own terrible jokes! It seems, at least for a while, that the very foundations of fashion, the fashion of which we have feared and raged against, the fashion which told us to wear skinny jeans, even as it knows that we hate everything about our legs and ankles. This very same fashion, is now handing over the reins, and letting ourselves, in whatever we like, shine with individuality, smile, and be lame and cool at the same time. So, go crazy this week, as next week I’m sure there’ll be a new trend.
And, seriously, tell that mushroom joke to everyone. It is, after all, completely hilarious!!!