cactus i.v.

The way I spent my Tuesday was either completely lame or completely prepping me for motherhood.
I went to A.C. Moore to pick up a last minute item for my Halloween costume [[my co-workers and I are going to be the “Punctuation Police,” and I, Sergeant Semicolon, had to make the badges, and I needed pin […]

By SUSAN LULGJURAJ
yanxchick(at)gmail.com
While you’re sitting at a poker table all you can do is eye the chip stack across the way. You see him playing with the chips, trying to shuffle them while they fall into a heap instead. You think how much better those chips would look in front of you.
And here is your […]

By ATARI JAY
dearatari(at)gmail.com
Another save by my navigator helped me pull up to a carnival-like setting in a park outside the firehouse. Beyond nervous, I reassured myself that I looked great and was totally ready. I texted Jason as I wandered for a few minutes before seeing him doing a demonstration involving a car on fire. […]

By JORDAN HATHAWAY
partygal23(at)aol.com
Why it is the ones who that don’t really have a chance are the ones who have the guts to say something?
On my daily walk to Dunkin’ Donuts to get my morning coffee before heading into work, I walk past the toothless man selling newspapers who says good morning to me every morning.
As […]

By LISA SOKOLOWSKI
cactusiv(at)gmail.com
I made this for James for Halloween, so I thought it was fitting to put it up to show the cactus world.

By TY FREER
ty_freer(at)yahoo.com
I am from Indiana, which means three things: one) I am a Hoosier, two) I couldn’t tell you with 100-percent certainty what “Hoosier” really means, and three) basketball is my favorite sport.
Although I am a huge supporter of football (and my 7-0 Ponies) and baseball (and my all-their-good-stuff-happened-before-I-was-born […]

A part of me wants to be famous. Money would never be an issue, and as long as I kept my priorities straight, I’d be alright.
That’s what I think until I watch videos on Web sites like TMZ.com.
The amount of video and still cameras around stars is ridiculous. They can’t do anything — not shopping, […]

By LISA SOKOLOWSKI
cactusiv(at)gmail.com
I went to a concert this weekend. I’m not going to mention the name of the band because I don’t want anyone to be offended by my commentary.
That’s probably going to be unavoidable, but you can come back and rip on my pop punk. It’ll be fine if you have valid points.
So I […]

By DIZZ TATE
dizztate(at)hotmail.com
Okay, so maybe we’re a little old for the sheet-over-the head ghost costume. Maybe we’re past the stage of toilet paper mummies and long black witch costumes with hats and lots of face paint.
But seriously, how much fun was all that? Why is it that little kids get to have all that nonsensical […]

By DA SOUTHERN
dasouthern(at)gmail.com
…And I am not talking about Viva Laughlin either.
I told you last week that CSI’s Lady Heather might have to be called in on Viva, but as soon as she got there, the EMT’s were draping the sheet over the corpse. Poor Viva never had a chance. It’s too bad, too. […]

Dear Niki -
I love my boyfriend of three years very much. He’s everything I could ask for in a man — he’s attentive, sensitive caring and sweet. I could fill this email with positive adjectives about how great he is. But, I want to write about the one problem I have with him: He wants […]

By BEN SZMANDA
It’s hard to provide great personal detail and a sense of place in a few words. Mona Simspon manages the trick in her small, stark, masterful, novella Off Keck Road. In it, Simspon tells the story of two women, Bea and Shelly, as they grow up and old in the small town […]

By TYLER DURDEN’S STALKER
cactusiv(at)gmail.com
You know Paris Hilton — unless you’ve been living under some type of universe blocked by Britney Spears.
Anyway, Paris has had quite a week. First, she got boo-ed at Scream 2007, an awards show that honors horror movies (and, really, isn’t Paris a walking talking horror flick?). Then, the trailer for her […]

By ROXY RETAIL
cactusiv(at)gmail.com
I’ve fallen in love.
Don’t tell my boyfriend, but he’s sharing my heart right now.
With who? Sock-dreams.com, a Web site that has the most clever socks I’ve ever dreamed of, including the lovely pair in the photo. Unfortunately, those are completely out of stock, or I would have snatched up a pair. I mean, […]

By MICHELLE L.
satine81(at)aol.com

of five
As a child of the ’80s, I remember the Transformers TV series being on when I was a kid. I didn’t really get into it much, being that I did not have any brothers (my sisters and I were more into Jem). However, I’ve always felt this odd need to […]

[[Ed.’s note: This just posted on online-writing-jobs.com. If you’re interested, let me know]]
Do you wear out your Netflix subscription? Do the workers at Blockbuster know you by name? Well, then I have a job for you.
My webzine — www.cactusiv.com — needs a movie columnist. Our current columnist is leaving, and we need someone to fill […]

By JIM MONTANA
jim.montana(at)hotmail.com
Ramblings from a lunatic: First, let me say Happy Halloween. Yes, I know Halloween is not until next week, but I just wanted to get an early start on the holiday. I have decorated my yard to mimic that of the George Bush Cabinet — with victims everywhere. Okay, enough hating on […]

By MELODY
My boyfriend and I were driving back from a party at my brothers’. He lives in Stony Point, New York, and I live in Hasbrouck Heights, New Jersey, which is a 35 to 40 minute drive. When we take these long rides, it gives us time to talk about anything that’s on our minds. […]

By ATARI JAY
dearatari(at)gmail.com
Completely weary of the long trips home every night, I had decided to build my empire in Westchester County. In an attempt to be sociable, I joined a tanning salon in the next town over. At least I got a hello when walking in, it was the most contact I had received since […]

By JAMES “TATTOO” CHAPRACKI
geocities.com/tattoospinstriping
Scraambled eggies anyone?

As Told To By TY FREER
ty_freer(at)yahoo.com
FADE IN:
INT. FOX NETWORK HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT – OCTOBER 21
A group of old, uptight Fox network executives huddle around a plasma television that sits in the corner of a large but empty-feeling boardroom. The television is playing Game 7 of the ALCS between the Boston Red Sox and the Cleveland […]

Anyone who talks to me — even on a semi-regular basis — knows that I was sick recently. I’m the worst at taking care of myself. I was living on a diet of Ramen and apples. Soup and fruit. Sure, it doesn’t sound well balanced, but it sounded like it would warm my sore throat […]

By LISA SOKOLOWSKI
cactusiv(at)gmail.com
If you take Firefall’s Colorado to Liverpool - A Tribute to The Beatles at face value, you might be disappointed. The album says, “A Tribute,” but it’s more of a collection of covers than a tribute.
Quick aside for the confused [[and those who haven’t seen Rockstar]]: A tribute band is as close of […]

By MICHELLE RICCARDI
mia8263(at)gmail.com
Good day cactus readers! And congratulations to my friends John and Amy on their wedding yesterday!
I’m not sure if it is being a girl or what, but when I hear the word “wedding,” I get so excited. Marriage, caterers, flower girls and honeymoons; the whole package is thrilling.
I took a career quiz not […]

By DA SOUTHERN
dasouthern(at)gmail.com
I have been reading with interest all of the shows that are already on peoples “Tired of” list and some surprised me, i.e. Heroes, Grey’s Anatomy and even Reaper have some complaining already. We are an impatient bunch. We like something because it is fresh and new, and then we tire […]

By BEN SZMANDA
Ordinarily, writing a review of a book like Neil Stephenson’s “Snow Crash” is kind of silly because offering an opinion other than “It was completely terrible and a total waste of time” isn’t all that interesting. I can’t say that. But I think it would probably be worth going over it […]

By ROXY RETAIL
cactusiv(at)gmail.com
October has been abnormally warm lately, so the sack dress has a fighting chance.
It’s short and baggy, words that don’t often go together.
Most sack dresses — which probably go by swankier names that I don’t know — fall where a mini skirt would. And they’re not even a bit form fitting.
The good sack […]

By MICHELLE L.
satine81(at)aol.com

of five
In Evan Almighty (2007) Steve Carell (of The 40-Year-Old Virgin and The Office) plays Evan Baxter, a TV news anchorman who becomes a congressman because he wants to change the world. Little does he know that he is about to be offered that opportunity by the big […]

By TYLER DURDEN’S TALKER
cactusiv(at)gmail.com
Part of gossip is vested in rumors. So let’s have a bit of a rumor this time — and a partially naked girl for our male readers.
The girl whose body is on display is Vanessa Hudgens. If you’re over the age of, say, 12, you probably have no idea who she is. […]

If I knew where to find Jordin Sparks, I’d have her sing to Cathy S. today [[although she’d probably rather Chris Richardson]].
Today, our favorite American Idol writer celebrates her birthday.
She’ll be back writing again when the next season starts in January, but let’s declare today ‘Idol’ Birthday Day and wish Cathy S. a very happy […]

By JIM MONTATA
jim.montana(at)hotmail.com
On a personal note: I want to thank everyone who emailed me last week with their opinions on the new format. Some were good, some not so favorable. In addition, for those who posted a comment on the cactus, thank you. I will continue to make slight changes to tweak it until […]

Happy Birthday to Atari Jay — who is still young enough to not actually know what Atari really was.
At least, that’s the line she uses when she’s trying to get younger boys who only go back to Nintendo.
Happy 22nd from the cactus!

By MELODY
MyMelody4U(at)gmail.com
I am always broke. I budget money worse than the homeless. Many of my relationship fights have been about how I can’t afford to do anything fun and exciting because I don’t have the funds. Does money really make the world go ’round or could it in fact be the root of all evil?
Let’s […]

By ATARI JAY
dearatari(at)gmail.com
So what if I was 21? You try telling my mother that was a reason for me to have a life. Under her roof, I was home on weeknights by 10 and one on weekends — if I was lucky. Funny thing was, she thought this still applied to me even after […]

By JAMES “TATTOO” CHAPRACKI
geocities.com/tattoospinstriping
You can stripe anything anywhere.

By TY FREER
ty_freer(at)yahoo.com
Wouldn’t it be great if there were an NFL poll done by the media and/or coaches like they have for college football? Obviously, it wouldn’t change the playoff structure (as the best records would still advance), but don’t you think there would be even more “upsets” if such a list existed? Doesn’t it […]

…your McDonald’s Monopoly game codes. Or your MyCokeRewards.com caps. I’ll take either.
I like free stuff. I visit bigbigforums.com on a regular basis, accumulating free toothpaste and deodorant — as well as a couple stocking stuffers. I’m also a fan of free samples in Costco or covering events that have a free meal.
That’s part of the […]

By LISA SOKOLOWSKI
cactusiv(at)gmail.com
It’s the album Dave Matthews meant to write.
The Dave Matthews Band used to put out huge rock albums that could fill arenas — and fit just as nicely inside a college kid’s dorm room.
But then it got softer, lighter, lamer. As long as there will be college boys, there will be an audience […]

By DIZZ TATE
dizztate(at)hotmail.com
I love the way music affects fashion. I love the way you see the “ghetto” girls, blasting rap music for the entire world to hear, walking with a confidence and style that seems unattainable almost.
I love the indie chicks with their hoods and skinny jeans; the big headphones protruding like Dumbo ears from […]

By DA SOUTHERN
dasouthern(at)gmail.com
William Shakespeare, I believe, said it best when it comes to the discussion of the reality show Kid Nation on CBS. The season is barely two weeks in and poor Kid Nation garners no respect at all. The show premiered before the rest of the Fall season got under way, and it […]

Dear Niki -
I have an easy question for ya: Why do we deal with wastes of time in our lives? And if you didn’t get it, I mean guys.
Love, Manhater
Dear Manhater -
I’d tell you to brush off those combat boots in the back of the closet, but it sure sounds like you’ve done that already. […]

By BEN SZMANDA
I really try to avoid thinking about celebrities, but lord help me, I hate Oprah. Everything she spawns, from her miserably “life-affirming” TV show, to her self named magazine, to Dr. Phil — the guy most responsible for making psychological counseling a deeply icky reality TV event — reeks of cultish self promotion. […]

By TYLER DURDREN’S STALKER
cactusiv(at)gmail.com
Britney Spears gets more face time around here than any other celebrity — and more body time too, if we’re poking fun at her.
But, last week, the poptastic train wreck released the video for her “single” Gimme More.
If you haven’t had the “pleasure” off seeing the video, consider yourself blessed. But, allow […]

By ROXY RETAIL
cactusiv(at)gmail.com
Threadless.
It deals more with the act of screen printing — which doesn’t involve messy sewn on logos.
If you haven’t heard of Threadless.com, you’re missing out.
The picture above, that’s the newest winning t-shirt design. Wait, a little background: Threadless.com has an ongoing t-shirt design contest. Basically, anyone (who joins Threadless.com’s “community”) can upload a […]

By MICHELLE L.
satine81(at)aol.com

of five
A modern version of the classic Hitchcock film Rear Window (1954), Disturbia (2007) interprets the act of voyeurism for the digital age.
Anyone who has seen Rear Window starring Jimmy Stewart and Grace Kelly knows the basic plot of the film. Someone who is confined to their house relieves their boredom by […]

By JIM MONTANA
jim.montana(at)hotmail.com
And now a word from our sponsor: As promised last week I am debuting the new look for the column, I realized in a stroke of genius that I was in fact spending excessively too much time on President Bush so I will lay off of the Commander-In-Chief — or at least […]

By ATARI JAY
dearatari(at)gmail.com
My eyes opened to see a bright light shining. I looked around and before long I realized it wasn’t Kansas, and I couldn’t find my ruby red slippers. I shuffled around the room, bumping into every blunt object. Who put my bed there? When did I get that dresser? I can walk through […]

By MELODY
MyMeloday4U(at)gmail.com
This week I’m going on a rant. It’ll probably be offensive to those who fit the following profile, so I’ll apologize now. Not for what I am going to say, but apologize for the behaviors that some woman can express.
I am a woman, and I feel I’m a pretty normal one. On a regular […]

By SUSAN LULGJURAJ
Yanxchick(at)gmail.com
I travel for work, and one of the things I enjoy doing is going to different casinos. The games are different when it comes to structure and what is offered. It’s interesting to try these different games.
But one thing remains the same – social poker players who think they are superstars.
I love playing […]

By JAMES “TATTOO” CHAPRACKI
geocities.com/tattoospinstriping
Well, it was one of the first four eggs ever painted by Tattoo.

By TY FREER
ty_freer(at)yahoo.com
What if I told you I have the secret to winning so much money at gambling that you can build an addition to your house that is nothing but a giant room filled with dollar bills and Sacagawea coins that you could dive into, kind of like what Scrooge McDuck had in DuckTails? […]

My hands are completely covered in white spray paint, which means my black keyboard isn’t going to stay black for very long.
Oops.
I was spray painting a tray, and I just didn’t have patience for the entire thing to dry before I sprayed it again. So, I sprayed it, blew on it and flipped it over.
That […]

By LISA SOKOLOWSKI
cactusiv(at)gmail.com
So you wanna be a rock superstar and live large… Well, Cypress Hill did. If that’s also your goal, one of the most important things [[just shy of actually finding people to be in your band]] is to have a demo so you can get it “into the right hands,” as they say.
Last […]

By DIZZ TATE
dizztate(at)hotmail.com
Hello, my lovelies! How are we all? Please tell me, as my comments have been in short supply recently! *hint hint*
Anyway, the fashion advice for this week spirals around a very interesting film I happened to see recently, Across the Universe. Has anyone else seen it {besides Michelle L., the movie columnist here […]

By MICHELLE RICCARDI
mia8264(at)gmail.com
It’s October, my favorite month! Magazines like Montgomery Ward and Harriet Carter get me so excited to own my own home, and when October comes around, everything looks like how I imagine my home.
Of course I obsess over what my kitchen would look like — from the pots and pans to the tableware. […]

By DA SOUTHERN
dasouthern(at)gmail.com
More great premiers graced the tube this week and, for the most part, I have to say there is quite a variety this season. If you can’t find something to enjoy, you are just not trying or you are relying on critics to tell you your opinions before making them yourself. A lot […]

Dear Niki,
I have been with my husband for 14 years., I love him very much but we are having “issues.” He has roaming eyes and points out “hot” women whenever we are out. He has not cheated. However, I get so angry and upset every time he does it. I have asked him to stop […]

By BEN SZMANDA
Just because something is well crafted does not mean it’s good. In some cases it may be barely readable. I hate to say it, but Richard Stern’s “Pacific Tremors” falls in this category. Stern is a very good writer; the dialogue is as sharp and realistic as any you will […]

By TYLER DURDEN’S STALKER
cactusiv(at)gmail.com
No matter how many times you’ve been married and divorced — you can always get married again.
Just ask supermodel Christie Brinkley. She’s been married and divorced four times since 1973.
Her most famous husband — well, to me at least — was Billy Joel (it was the second marriage and divorce for both […]

By MICHELLE L.
satine81(at)aol.com

of five
Anthony Hopkins as the bad guy! Hmmm… sounds familiar. But Silence of the Lambs (1991) was way better.
In Fracture (2007), Ed Crawford (Anthony Hopkins of Silence of the Lambs and Proof) shoots his wife (Embeth Davidtz of Bridget Jones’ Diary and Junebug) when she comes home from a night on […]

By ROXY RETAIL
cactusiv(at)gmail.com
WARNING: You will never see me rocking this fashion, but I’m keeping my finger on the pulse for my fashionistas.
Metallics are in, apparently (Okay, okay, that’s the last of my disgust, swear).
The least conspicuous way to test out this trend is to buy metallic ballet slippers. Those are trendy enough to stand on […]

By LANIE PIMENTEL
petunia5045(at)gmail.com
Last week I spoke about the funky word ergonomics. It is a developed technique that allows the body to work efficiently with the least amount of stress.
While in the office, this is mostly tailored by positioning one’s workstation appropriately to align the body and the eyes at a “neutral” setting. […]

By JIM MONTANA
jim.montata(at)hotmail.com
In the past two weeks, I have spent many restless nights trying to figure out what direction I wanted to take my column.
After countless revisions, I finally figured out where I wanted to go, so next week’s column will debut the new format. Until then, here’s this week’s column.
Last week Iranian […]

By ATARI JAY
dearatari(at)gmail.com
[[Ed.’s note: This is the first installment of Atari Jay’s fictionalized serial column, “Moving Out.” Everyone remembers the horrors of moving out for the first time. Relive them while Atari Jay goes through them]]

My mom and I had just fought, same argument different day. I had to leave.
Things weren’t going well with […]

By MELODY
MyMelody4U(at)gmail.com
Last week I asked a guy some questions regarding life and relationships. For anyone that read it, I’m sure you were amazed by the ranting honesty. I apologize if he offended anyone, but that’s how he is — bluntly honest.
This week I took the same questions and brought them to a girlfriend. She is […]

By SUSAN LULGJURAJ
yanxchick(at)gmail.com
Soon colleges are going to have courses on how to play poker.
Poker 101: The beginning of the road. The textbook: Chad Brown’s “Act to Win in Texas Hold ‘Em Poker.”
Brown’s book, which is only currently available through Bluff Magazine’s Web site, reads very much like a textbook. It’s a great starter and gives […]

By TY FREER
ty_freer(at)yahoo.com
It is just me or does baseball season go by the quickest? Is it possible that Opening Day was six months ago? It seems like just yesterday my Reds started the season 1-0 and seemed destined to bring me the extremely rare occurrence that is the Sports Trifecta of Championships, as my Spurs […]

By JAMES “TATTOO” CHAPRACKI
geocities.com/tattoospinstriping
James says this looks like a bird. What do you think?