By TY FREER
ty_freer(at)yahoo.com

I am from Indiana, which means three things: one) I am a Hoosier, two) I couldn’t tell you with 100-percent certainty what “Hoosier” really means, and three) basketball is my favorite sport.

Although I am a huge supporter of football (and my 7-0 Ponies) and baseball (and my all-their-good-stuff-happened-before-I-was-born Reds), my heart belongs to basketball (and my borderline-obsessed-with San Antonio Spurs). Needless to say, I relish any chance I get to talk/write/debate basketball. Therefore, the following is the start of my NBA season preview.

Like football, this sucker is big, so I am breaking it down into two sections: Eastern Conference this week, followed by the big guns in the Western Conference next time. Think of it as being served bread (the East) before the 40-ounce porterhouse (the West).
EASTERN CONFERENCE
Atlantic Division

1. Boston Celtics: Everyone knows that The Big Three (Garnett, Allen and Pierce) automatically makes Boston amongst the best in the East. But don’t you think that the “The Big Three” title is kind vague and cliché? I mean, anyone that has three players that are above average dub them “The Big Three.” Don’t you think that they need a more team-specific nickname? What about “GangGreen”? Or “The Lucky Charms”? How about “The Giant Leprechauns?” Or even better, “The Leprechaun Trilogy?” I can see the T-shirts now…
2. New Jersey Nets: Now that Vince Carter got his fat, multi-year off-season deal, will he once again go from thinking things like, “If we are gonna win this game, I gotta play lock-down D on this possession” to “If I miss these free throws, we can avoid overtime and I can still hit club before the freaks go home”?
3. New York Knicks: New York picked up known head-case Zack Randolph from Portland on draft night. If you listened closely that night, you could hear Oregon-area strippers crying themselves to sleep.
4. Toronto Raptors: Honestly, I don’t know how they won their division last year, let alone made the playoffs. Oh, that’s right, it’s because the East sucks. My bad.
5. Philly 76ers: And the Philadelphia drubbing continues. Seriously, in the last year the Sixers traded A.I., missed the playoffs and drafted guys nobody has heard of, while the Phillies were swept in the playoffs, the Eagles have a losing record and M. Night Shamalayan made Lady in the Water. At least cheesesteaks are still good for you… waaaaaait a minute….

Central Division

1. Chicago Bulls: I have been over-picking them the last few years, but I think this is the season they finally get back to the top of the Central. Side note: does anyone know if their introduction music is still the same song as when Jordan played? You would think they’d change it up in ten years.
2. Detroit Pistons: Things I Would Put Money on If It Weren’t Such a Random Category: This will be the last year Detroit keeps this team. Expect them to be blown up after another non-championship season.
3. Cleveland Cavs: Hope you had fun in the Finals, guys. And the countdown to Bronnie James signing in New York begins… now!
4. Milwaukee Bucks: I have seen where they play (the Bradley Center) and I am utterly shocked that they are able to sign any free agents. Let’s just say that I would rather have this than play in this.
5. Indiana Pacers: Just because I am from Indiana doesn’t mean I like the Pacers. I, in fact, do not. But I really, really feel sorry for them. Their only marketable guy (Jermaine O’Neal) can’t take over a game, can’t take it to the hole, shoots too many jumpers, and has health problems. Things are going so poorly that I got an e-mail for free preseason tickets two weeks ago. And promptly turned it down.

Southeast Division

1. Miami Heat: Three Heat notes: 1.) Shaq is still fat. And old. 2.) They just traded for one of my all-time favorite players, Ricky Davis, who I started to really like when I picked him out of the Suck Pile in fantasy basketball a few years ago and began to love when he tried to get a triple double by shooting at his own basket and missing. 3.) Maybe I am an idiot (which is likely) but have you ever noticed that Dwyane Wade’s name is spelled wrong? Say DWY-ANE aloud. How have I never noticed this?
2. Washington Wiz: Wish more players were like crazy-ass Gilbert Arenas, another of my favorites whom I picked up out of the Suck Pile while at Golden State (notice a trend here? I am very loyal to my Suck Pilers). But don’t get me wrong, Gil is good crazy, not crazy-crazy (see Artest, Ron).
3. Atlanta Hawks: My surprise pick in the East. Will come thiiiis close (fingers one inch apart) to making the playoffs, giving the city some hope and positive vibes until point guard Speedy Claxton is caught financing a nasty cockfighting ring.
4. Orlando Magic: I think what I wrote in July is still where I stand: “I realize that the Magic had to overpay some for the “most desirable” player in this weak free agent class, but a max deal? Ridiculous. I just feel bad for the kids in Orlando who will be getting “Lewis No. 9” jerseys for Christmas as they begin to wonder how much their parents really love them.”
5. Charlotte Bobcats: One day, you will be good my young Bobcats… one day…

Eastern Playoffs:

Round One

1. “The Leprechaun Trilogy” vs. 8. New York Fat Frontcourt

-Despite Curry and Randolph trying to “fat him to death,” KG withstands and Celts win 4-1.
2. Bulls vs. 7. Wiz

-Haven’t we seen this matchup before? Bulls 4-1.
3. Pistons vs. 6. Nets

-How many punches do you think Vince could take from Rasheed before he went down? I would say less than the number of games in this series: Pistons 4-1
4. Heat vs. 5. Cavs

-How’s this for star power? D-Wade! Shaq! Bronnie! Next on ABC! Gonna go with a surprise here, only because Shaq might not be able to make the trips to Cleveland (there is a weight limit on team jets, you know). Cavs 4-3.
Round Two

1. Celts vs. 5. Cavs

-Three vs. one. Last time I checked, three is a bigger number: Celts 4-1.
2. Bulls vs. 3. Pistons

-This has all the makings of another classic Bulls/Pistons series: lots of defense, attitude and hate. Unfortunately for the Bulls, they don’t have enough hate yet in their young lives: Pistons 4-3.
Conference Finals

1. Celts vs. 3. Pistons

-The Leprechaun Trilogy has many flaws: they are all relatively old, are apt to injury, haven’t played together yet, must develop chemistry, have to define top dog role status, and they can’t get tired or hurt because there is no one on the bench to back them up. With that being said, the names on paper look better than any other Eastern option. So, by default, my Finals pick: Celtics 4-2.
See you next week for the Best of the West.

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