cactus i.v.

I was planning on giving the “Newsmaker of the Day” cactus to Vinny Testaverde. On Sunday, he broke his record of being the oldest QB to win a game. And now he’s retired. After spending a big chunk of his 44 years throwing the pigskin, he deserved recognition.
But first his glory was stolen by an […]

I’ve had some pretty weird New Years in the recent past; I’m sure a lot of you have.
None of mine have included me drinking, but one included a drunk man falling down the stairs at Grand Central Station — and Susan pulling me out of the way, so he didn’t knock me over.
I’m sure you […]

By LISA SOKOLOWSKI
cactusiv(at)gmail.com
Dear Blake Lewis,
You beat boxed your way into my heart.
I saw you at your American Idol audition, and although your dye job was a little too pretentious for my liking, I liked you.
I didn’t pick you for my top picks when the cactus made our picks. I blame the hair — and the […]

On Christmas, a tiger escaped from the San Francisco zoo. On Saturday, an 18-page transcript about the incident was released.
One of the highlights was that zoo employees “questioned whether early reports of the Dec. 25 attack were coming from a mentally unstable person,” according to Jordan Robertson of the Associated Press.
The potentially unstable person was […]

By LANIE PIMENTEL
petunia5045(at)gmail.com
New Year’s Eve is quickly approaching and that means lots of mini-bite sized snacks to eat from 2007 ’til 2008. Each year, no matter where I end up ringing in the new and best year to come, I always bring some staples. Here are some tasty little treats […]

By DA SOUTHERN
dasouthern(at)gmail.com
It has been a VERY slow week in TV land as we celebrate our holiday season and gaze with an optimistic googly-eyed look towards a New Year. After all of the wrapping paper has been put away, as well as the beautiful decorations, we will slowly return our view towards the tube […]

Right now, you have to take out a second mortgage if you want to buy a gallon of milk. I mean, it’s seriously cheaper to raise a cow from birth and squeeze your own milk than to go to the grocery store and buy some. I don’t care if you live in a no pets […]

By REESE WRIGHT
jrwrightxiii@yahoo.com
A few years ago, Lexus tried its hand in the compact sport sedan market by introducing the rear wheel drive IS series. Although a bold step, Lexus would have to face against heavy contenders such as the BMW 3 series and many others. At first, Lexus did have a rocky start when it […]

By BEN SZMANDA
The end of the cold war seemed to offer the beginnings of better times. It didn’t always turn out that way though, and a lot of the assumptions people made back then were overly optimistic, if not flat out delusional. Nowhere was that felt more acutely than in Russia. The […]

You know what there isn’t enough about on the cactus: stamps.
And you know why? Stamp collecting isn’t a topic that can be mentioned every week. But it can today.
Apparently some super rich Big Apple exec bought the inverted Jenny – known as “rare 24-cent stamp, depicting an upside-down Curtis JN-4 biplane known as ‘Jenny,’ ” […]

By ROXY RETAIL
cactusiv(at)gmail.com
My brother and I were shopping, and we went into Target to find body spray. As we were walking out, we passed the men’s section.
And there, greeting us like an obnoxious bright light, were neon striped shirts.
“I could pull that off,” my brother said, never adding what I thought he should… “and stuff […]

By JIM MONTANA
jim.montana(at)yahoo.com
Six months ago I came to the cactus as the sports writer, but, due to personal issues, had to relinquish that position. However I was fortunate to be able to return in a capacity as the politics and current events writer. As I sit here, writing my column, it was brought to my […]

By ANDREW STEEVES
steeves(at)uwm.edu
Well, another Christmas has come and gone. As I lie here in my modest apartment wrapped in my brand new blanket and cuddling with my cat, Sgt. Kerplunkers, I can’t help but reflect on Christmases past. One Christmas specifically comes to mind, a Christmas that marked my induction into […]

Dear cactus i.v.,
So this week was pretty entertaining. I’ve pretty much settled into life here in Katonah. After last week’s bar night. I feel like I had arrived. I proved I wasn’t some lame chick trying to fit in. I presented myself as confident and not needy. I made tons of contacts and got plenty […]

By SOOZ
yanxchick(at)gmail.com
If playing poker itself wasn’t difficult by itself, there are still other factors to consider. One daunting factor is your partner. Not your poker partner that I told you to get a while back. Your boyfriend, girlfriend, wife or husband. This person can effect your game.
If you have a significant other who doesn’t want […]

And to all, a little bunch of gifts from us to you.
If LISA SOKOLOWSKI [[Monday’s music columnist]] was Santa, she would give…
1. Jordin Sparks a new team of writers. That Tattoo song should really be banned from radio.
2. A new process to the Grammys. It’s way too hard for a small band to get nominated.
3. […]

If you weren’t a traveler the past week, if you didn’t watch the news or if you lived in the Midwest or the East Coast and didn’t look out your window, you completely missed the huge storm that blew threw.
At last count, 11 people had died. Those families didn’t miss the storm.
You know who also […]

It’s Christmas Eve, a day for family, friends and, for some, presents.
Yes, there is the materialistic side of Christmas. There’s the religious side that everyone tries to avoid — “Take the Christ out of Christmas,” they scream as they write X-Mas on the store windows — but no one ever says, “Take the presents out […]

By LANIE PIMENTEL
petunia5045(at)gmail.com
Eggnog.
Some may like it, some may hate it, but this milky drink has been traced back many generations to England where usually only the rich could partake in its frothy goodness. Poor people rarely had milk at their disposal, and no refrigeration. Since the big wigs owned […]

By DA SOUTHERN
dasouthern(at)gmail.com
The well has been fairly dry in what is becoming a barren TV landscape. With the usual seasonal programming and the writers’ strike in its last gasp (we hope), we are faced with a little different scenario than seasons past. I guess you could say there is more of a Scrooge-like […]

By BEN SZMANDA
Growing up is hard; most people only manage to partially pull off the trick. No, this isn’t a reference to the thirty year olds who still call themselves “punk” or “goth” or whatever– they’re too easy — I’m talking about the ones who still act like the unspoken playground rules still apply […]

Jagshemash!
Sasha Baron Cohen has told a British tabloid that he is retiring his alter egos of Borat and Ali G. The two characters have become all too popular with the public and his comedy sketches with the characters are based on impromptu interaction with the public.
Many fans have grown to love the characters, especially Borat, […]

By ROXY RETAIL
cactusiv(at)gmail.com 
If you can’t keep it in the pants, keep it in the family.
Okay, so that incest line kind of works for the Levi Strauss family.
See, ever since the company started back when jeans had a purpose other than hugging your butt tightly, the Chairman of the Board has always been in the Levi […]

By REESE WRIGHT
jrwrightxiii(at)yahoo.com
It’s December 22, and you know what that means? Only two days left to get your Christmas shopping done folks! That’s right, it is getting down to the wire as many of us are still rushing to find that special someone the perfect gift. Though what to do about that big motor junkie […]

By JIM MONTANA
jim.montana(at)hotmail.com
Every year it is like clock work. Parents take their kids to the mall to see our dear old jolly fat man from the North Pole and the routine is always the same.
Santa: And what do you want for Christmas this year little Billy?
Little Billy: Um… um, I want a fire truck
[…]

By ANDREW STEEVES
steeves(at)uwm.edu
This is a nice thing we have going, Internet. I write down my opinions on various video games, deliver them unto your eternal bosom and you make them available for folk who need to be told whether said games are worth their time. However, a piece of advice is only as good as […]

Santa Claus was groped at the Danbury Fair Mall by a woman in crutches. The police didn’t go into detail over the incident, but apparently Sandrama Lamy, 33, groped the unnamed Santa in front of children waiting in line.
“He was apparently shocked and embarrassed by the whole incident,” said Capt. Bob Myles, of the Danbury […]

By SOOZ
yanxchick(at)gmail.com
Everyone these days wants to be a poker player. Who can blame them? Watching poker players splash around chips like it was nothing has its appeal.
Former tennis champ Boris Becker is throwing himself into the mix. The 40-year-old international star has been training to become a tournament poker player. Either his training is paying […]

By ATARI JAY
dearatari(at)gmail.com
So let me start off with apologies because this week I am unable to indulge my readers with another night in my life in a new place. Among a broken down car, family fights, and undone holiday shopping list I am also very ill. I will be back next week with a whole […]

By Melody
MyMelody4u(at)gmail.com
Dear Melody-
I have been going out with my boyfriend for about a year. Most of the time it’s great but his mom seems to make comments to push my buttons. She goes out of her way to bring up all these past girls he has dated and tells me about every crush he has […]

The Committee to Protect Journalists said that 64 journalists have died in 17 countries this year, the deadliest year in more than a decade (and two short of the record). According to the group, 31 journalists died in Iraq — one fewer than a year ago.
We obviously cannot bring these people back, but today’s cactus […]

By JAMES “TATTOO” CHAPRACKI
geocities.com/tattoospinstriping
All for One said, “I’ll build your dreams with these two hands.” James said, “I’ll build a wood box.”

By TY FREER
ty_freer(at)yahoo.com
It took 20 months and millions of dollars, but the MLB finally released it’s highly anticipated Mitchell Report last week. Headed by former Senator George Mitchell, this 409-page tome was supposed to shake baseball to its core, proving that countless baseball players had taken steroids, HGH, or elephant tranquilizers. I guess you could […]

After two months of marriage, Pamela Anderson is getting divorced… again. The blonde bombshell is on her third husband, Rick Salomon, the man famously known for his sex tape with Paris Hilton.
She was previously married to Kid Rock and Tommy Lee. We thought this marriage would last because both became sex tape stars and at […]

CrazySexyCactus.
… Baby One More Cactus.
A Bunch Of Songs On The Internet That We At cactus i.v. Enjoy.
Would any of these titles entice you? Make you want to throw in the CD?
Okay, maybe not. The titles are works in progress. And so is the idea. So, we’re throwing this out there: We want to put […]

By LANIE PIMENTAL
petunia5045(at)gmail.com
On cold winter nights during December, nothing makes my tummy feel all warm and toasty like a warm oversized mug of soup, an electric blanket and a good book or movie!
I am new to the whole butternut squash soup thing, but the idea was appealing. I found a nice two-pound butternut squash […]

By DA SOUTHERN
dasouthern(at)gmail.com
The entire landscape of TV land is surely to change as Network executives sit at their high-powered lunches and examine the fallout of the writers’ attempt to spoil every one’s Christmas. Television Critics Association (TCA) president Dave Walker announced that because of the ongoing writers’ strike, the association’s winter press tour will […]

By REESE WRIGHT
jrwrightxiii(at)yahoo.com
Gifts for Gear Heads – Part One
After a lush Thanksgiving meal, many Americans stood out in the bitter cold for hours in front of their favorite department store. It was a time where you met some interesting people in the wee hours of the morning, but as soon as the doors opened, pandemonium […]

Today is James “Tattoo” Chapracki’s birthday. He’s not quite 100 yet, but he is old enough to have invented fire and the wheel.
Just kidding.
But, it is his birthday, so happy birthday from everyone here at the cactus!

By BEN SZMANDA
There are critics out there, like James Wood, who cannot stand Don Delillo’s influence on American literature. They may have some valid points, but they can’t really shake the reason why he’s been so dominant: Simply, he is one of the sharpest observers of American culture out there. His insights have been dizzying, […]

Listening to Delilah at Night, you get to hear some heart-wrenching and heart-warming stories. Tonight, Delilah was taking holiday calls and one 12-year-old came to say how two years ago her family met an old man at Denny’s. The man was sitting by himself and started crying. His wife was a nursing home because she […]

By ROXY RETAIL
cactusiv(at)gmail.com
It pains me to write this. That happens sometimes. I see or hear of a trend, and I cover my eyes, hoping it’ll go away — kind of like someone with an untreated STD.
That was a much better analogy in my head.
Anyway, the new trend in bottoms is baggy. Skinny straight legs are […]

I’ve been singing If I Could Turn Back Time, but that’s Cher, not Tina Turner.
Tina sang What’s Love Got To Do With It. She also allegedly beat Ike Turner.
I wonder if she ever really apologized.
She won’t get the chance now. Ike Turner died on Wednesday at age 76.
So, we give him the “Newsmaker of the […]

By JIM MONTANA
jim.montana(at)hotmail.com
In the months of October to December of 2003, many people say that deplorable acts took place at Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq and those acts are intolerable. However, the United States need not be judged by the acts of a select few. I have seen all of the photos in question, and […]

By ANDREW STEEVES
steeves(at)uwm.edu
Of all the classical fantasy series, I enjoy The Golden Compass trilogy (alternately known as His Dark Materials) the most. Phillip Pullman writes with a skill unparalleled by other “great” authors. He creates a world of richness and depth without boring them to tears like Tolkein; he contemplates […]

Jessica Alba broke up with her boyfriend of three years Cash Warren not too long ago, then they quickly got back together. Maybe the plus sign on the pregnancy test brought the couple back together.
Yes folks, Jessica Alba’s pregnant. She’s due in late Spring/early Summer, according to her publicist.
We can’t give her her pre-baby figure […]

By ATARI JAY
dearatari(at)gmail.com
Kevin is a bartender. He’s about 6-foot-2 and slightly over average body weight. He looks good, but not as much as he thinks. Definitely not as hot as the other bartenders, but does fairly well for himself with the townie girls.
Someone named Jason, along with a few other people I still don’t know, […]

By SOOZ
yanxchick(at)gmail.com
It’s that time of year where everyone is looking for the perfect gift. So, why should it be any different for the poker player in your life? Maybe you think they are easy to buy for — a nice set of cards, a personalized chip or even a few books. Trust me, don’t do […]

By MELODY
MyMelody4u(at)gmail.com
Whether it’s tabloid conversations or about people we know, we all have that little itch inside of us that urges us to share information. Men and women talk, this is not subject to just one gender. But when does the need to share conflict with the secrets in a relationship? Do we need to […]

Jeopardy host Alex Trebek had a minor one on Monday.
What is a minor heart attack.
Yup. The host of the popular game show was admitted to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center last night.
So, we can’t give Trebek a new heart, but we can give him the “Newsmaker of the Day” cactus and, let’s be honest, we know which […]

By JAMES “TATTOO” CHAPRACKI
geocities.com/tattoospinstriping
Tattoos done when your wife is away — like when this one was done — might leave you sleeping on the couch.

By TY FREER
ty_freer(at)yahoo.com
Don’t kid yourself; unless the Patriots are playing the Colts, I have zero interest in watching New England on TV. I have seen its scores in the paper, its SportsCenter highlights, its countless “best team of all-time” articles online. I get it.
But to me, seeing the Patriots play […]

Michael Vick got 23 months in jail for running an underground dog fighting ring.
He doesn’t get the “Newsmaker of the Day” cactus for that.
Instead, we give it to some random online comment poster using the screen name Mosiemoyoung
Our dear Mosiemo commented the story on aol.com, so profoundly saying, 01:42:19 PM Dec 10 2007
Report This! Didn’t […]

I knew the Internet was full of sex. I’ve never gone searching for it with the fervor of a 14-year-old boy who has yet to find his dad’s Playboys, but I’ve had no choice lately.
No, no. I’m not researching lucrative Internet porn businesses. People are thinking the cactus is full of sex.
Weird sex cactus. Cactus […]

By LISA SOKOLOWSKI
cactusiv(at)gmail.com
For someone who was unknown a year ago, Jordin Spark’s self-titled debut did well. But, as far as American Idols go, she bombed.
Sparks’ album came out the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, setting her up for big sales on Black Friday. Those didn’t happen.
Sparks, the youngest A.I. winner, has crafted the Worst Album Debut By […]

By JEREMY VAN CISE
jerv23325(at)yahoo.com
As I’m writing this, I should be watching the waves crash past me as I dredge towards the Bahamas aboard a fun filled cruise. However, things don’t always go as planned. The 28th of November is my anniversary, and this year a new anniversary was born. Not only is it the anniversary […]

Last night, two undefeated boxers met in the ring. Floyd Mayweather Jr. and Ricky Hatton were both a lot and oh going in, but one would end up with a blemish on his winning record.
Hatton, because he has an accent, would have been my pick; but, when I saw the hits his face has taken […]

By LANIE PIMENTEL
petunia5045(at)gmail.com
When the temperature drops, and the snow starts to fall, nothing says warm up the bones to me like hot beverages. Hot teas, ciders and chocolate are as warm and comforting to me as a blanket out of the dryer!
There are so many varieties of teas to choose from out there. […]

When people die, they leave behind a will, giving out limited amounts of money and family heirlooms — and lots of “junk” — to living relatives.
When rich people die, they leave their stuff to people and places unrelated to them. Like museums. Or libraries. Or friends with a Chinese restaurant and a great recipe for […]

By REESE WRIGHT
jrwrightxiii(at)yahoo.com
As the U.S.A. moves from the tranquil and pleasing sights of fall, we soon find ourselves in the blister and harsh time of winter. Although this is the time of year for a White Christmas, fun in the snow and hot cocoa, we should never forget that our vehicles […]

By DA SOUTHERN
dasouthern(at)gmail.com
With all of the talk of the writers strike, I thought it would be a great time to look at the season so far just to see if there are any surprises. Well, nope there aren’t, guess I’ll see you next week…
Alright, I couldn’t do that to you. […]

By BEN SZMANDA
John Barth has had a long career as a “post-modern novelist,” and he’s managed to avoid the traps of that school: Namely, he doesn’t remind you of Borges, and he alleviates the overall tone of “Gosh aren’t I clever” with a good dose of humor. There are a few of […]

Niki,
So the holidays are near. At work we all exchange gifts (only three of us). Well, here is my problem. I hate my coworker. Do I really have to get her something? What do you get a person you can’t even stand for Christmas?
Scrooge
Dearest Scrooge,
I would like to say you are a horrible person […]

Most people thought the Buffalo Bill tight end wouldn’t make it after taking a bad hit early in the season.
But Kevin Everett proved people wrong. His spinal cord injury isn’t holding him back. In fact, Everett was walking on his own, it was said today.
According to Yahoo! News, “Everett was paralyzed from the neck down […]

By CAITLIN HANVEY
caitlinhanvey(at)gmail.com

of five
Coming of age dramas are often plagued with angsty teens following a well-trodden path to rebellion. Juno, the new film from Jason Reitman (Thank You For Smoking) explores many of the familiar teen movie themes without ever resorting to saccharine clichés — and that is a harder feat […]

By ROXY RETAIL
cactusiv(at)gmail.com
One day, each woman will be old — and unless science can figure out how to cryogenically freeze our boobs while leaving the rest of us to flourish, well, we’re gonna have saggy boobs.
And, actually, that freezing thing might not be such a good idea. I mean, we’d be super nipply, ya know?
Anyway, […]

So Jack Bauer was stuck in China and had to escape — or something. I don’t watch 24, so I couldn’t tell you [[DA Southern, any ideas?]].
Either way, hopefully Keifer Sutherland learned something about survival when his character was kidnapped [[trapped? held hostage? on Survivor?]] because Sutherland is in the news today for entering a minimum […]

By ANDREW STEEVES
steeves(at)uwm.edu
My dad and I are two very different people. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a pretty impressive guy, and certainly has earned the rank of urban folk hero among my friends, we just don’t see eye to eye on some things. Like video games. It’s not that he doesn’t […]

By JIM MONTANA
jim.montana(at)hotmail.com
Warning! The following column expresses views on a controversial subject. These views are the author’s alone and does not represents that of cactusiv.com or any of the site’s other writers. If you are easily offended or don’t believe in other point of views, please do not read on. Thank you. […]

So Ellen DeGeneres has a talk show. And maybe people watch it. And maybe she has good guests on it. I don’t know. I stumbled over it the other day, and she was interviewing one of the girls who made it to the final two of The Bachelor and then didn’t get a ring in […]

By SOOZ
yanxchick(at)gmail.com
The poker world was shocked Tuesday when poker legend Chip Reese died at the age of 56. Reese, owner of three World Series of Bracelets, complained of pneumonia symptoms but did not go to the hospital.
Reese died in his sleep and was found by his son early Tuesday morning at his Las Vegas home, […]

By MELODY
MyMelody4u(at)gmail.com
Erin and I were emailing back and forth trying to plan a dinner for the guys. We talked about meal plans and how the day was going. In the year we have known each other, we have become really close so there is almost no topic that is taboo. We started to crack jokes […]

By ATARI JAY
dearatari(at)gmail.com
Willy Nicks is a hole in the wall bar about 15 minutes from my place. I was meeting people there, so I waited outside with a cigarette while Jenni pulled in with her friend Christine. It was the start to the longest night of my Westchester career.
Jenni made me insecure. She first met […]

Today we give the “Newsmaker of the Day” award to Blake Lewis, the runner-up on the most recent season of American Idol.
Lewis, known for his beat boxing, releases his debut album, Audio Day Dream, today on Arista/J Records. As of 5:20 p.m. today, it was ranked No. 18 on the music charts on Amazon.com.
I don’t […]

By JAMES “TATTOO” CHAPRACKI
geocities.com/tattoospinstriping
What happens when you tattoo your own calf? You hope it doesn’t come out backwards.

By TY FREER
ty_freer(at)yahoo.com
I googled “Suicides in West Virginia after football loss to Pittsburgh.” There were 210,000 results. I expected more; I mean, just put yourself in the mindset of a Mountaineers fan as he/she walked into Milan Pusker Stadium on Saturday night: “Holy crap! If you would have told me that we would be one […]

Swedish people are typically gorgeous, so I don’t ever expect them to do anything but bathe in their beauty. Apparently some like to play with numbers.
Sweco, an engineering consultancy in Sweden, found out just how fast Santa’s reindeer must fly — 5,800 kilometers per second. That leaves “… 34 microseconds at each stop” said Anders […]

I may have mentioned this along the way, but I really enjoy the show Beauty and the Geek. I haven’t seen any other season because I’ve been anti-television for the last eight years or so. I only started watching it this year because of Cathy S., the cactus’ American Idol columnist. But that’s besides the […]

By LISA SOKOLOWSKI
cactusiv(at)gmail.com
What a sad week it’s been in the music world. And I don’t mean it because Britney is filming her new video. The music world has a cloud of death over it.
Last Sunday, Quiet Riot lead singer Kevin DuBrow was found dead in his apartment in Las Vegas.
He was pronounced dead there, attributed […]

By JEREMY VAN CISE
jerv23325(at)yahoo.com
Fag. Queer. Dyke.
If you’re gay, you’ve heard those words before and, in one way or another, been impacted by them. The thing most people forget is that words are only as powerful as we allow them to be. Recently my partner and I were walking our dog when a simple utterance from […]

So today’s “Newsmaker of the Day” isn’t just one person, today, we give it to the entire Washington Redskins’ team.
Earlier this week, Redskins free safety Sean Taylor was shot and killed at his home. His funeral is tomorrow. And, instead of mourning his death in a melancholy way on the first game day after his […]

By DA SOUTHERN
dasouthern(at)gmail.com
Blah…Blah…Blah…The writer’s strike stuff.
Okay, so I am not going to say anything about it except they teased us with a possible settlement being reached and dashed our hopes on Friday, so, on it goes, I suppose. I told you before that it was not going to affect us […]