Doomed To Repeat The Past
By MELODY
MyMelody4U(at)gmail.com
Oh Tim, not another drama. If you read my last article you know all too well about my buddy Tim. He is the relationship over-thinker with an unneeded insecurity when it comes to the opposite sex. I could probably write about his woes and stresses for weeks, but I try very hard to refrain as it sometimes gives me headaches; literally.
Now Tim is the type of guy that worries about a failed relationship well after the point of making amends for his faults. He has dwelled on broken love to the point that he has ruined great relationships because he cannot let go. I have, hopefully, through non-stop text advice guided him to understanding.
It all started about 10 years ago (well at least my presence in his life; God knows how long it really goes back) when Tim met Christine. This woman was engaged and pursued Tim relentlessly. I told him that a woman like that is not the type that will be faithful. Tim didn’t listen. They dated and eventually she gave him the ultimatum of marriage. Needless to say on their honeymoon she confessed she had been cheating and wanted the union annulled when they were home.
Tim carried the burden of “What did I do wrong?” well into his next relationship with Anne. Anne should have been the one for him. She was always attentive and understanding; so much that in Tim’s unnecessary guilt over Christine allowed Tim to try to be a friend to Christine’s personal life woes. I told him that she made her own bed and now she has to lie in it. Leave Christine Alone!!!! Tim didn’t listen. It took such a toll on Anne that she finally left him.
Now two years after the failed relationship of Tim and Anne, he finds himself courting my former co-worker Jackie. Jackie is a sweetheart and very fun. Tim has, during these two years, agonized over the part he played in him and Anne’s relationship. Replaying the steps he took and where he went wrong. My poor Tim is so clueless.
After last week’s drama of reading into too much (see last weeks article) Tim and Jackie are doing great. Tim, however, has been stressing over Anne. I have been trying to help Tim understand the difference between understanding your role and learning from it and over-thinking your guilt. I told him if he doesn’t learn from the past he is doomed to repeat it.
Tim’s fatal flaw: Letting his failed relationship overshadow his current love status. I told him this time around that if he does to Jackie what he did to Anne, I will not hold back from that good old “I told you so.”
January 25th, 2008 at 11:59 pm
i think we all have insecurities about past relationships. they end, and no matter what the real reason is, we always think there’s some underlying fault we’ve had. i got dumped once, and it was because my boyfriend at the time needed to “find himself” and stop taking care of his mom who had become really sick. two very, very selfish reasons. and still, for weeks, i kept thinking it was something i did — oh, i called him too much; oh, i should have spent more time with it. the more you harp on an old relationship, the more skewed it gets. tim! stop thinking about the old girlfriend! okay, now i said it, so if this one doesn’t work out, tell him “i told you so” from me =]