cactus i.v.

By JAMES “TATTOO” CHAPRACKI
geocities.com/tattoospinstriping

By BETH OLIVER
bewitching88(at)msn.com
Most of us are familiar with the classic It’s a Wonderful Life. Remember the mad rush of people that went to the bank for their money when they heard there was trouble? And remember the bank didn’t have the money? While economic times are tough, there is no reason for that […]

By JIM MONTANA
jim.montana(at)hotmail.com
Somedays when I sit down to write a column, I struggle to find either a subject or the words to get the point across. Then there are those days when the columns seem to write themselves. Today is one of the latter. I was sitting down after a very busy weekend trying to […]

We’re living in a time of financial crisis, where things like milk are too expensive to buy on a regular basis. Try getting calcium in cheaper places — like chewing your teeth. Okay, so that’s not really a solution that makes any sense at all, so thank goodness for you, my dear readers, that Beth […]

By JIM MONTANA
jim.montana(at)hotmail.com
Last week was a very strange week for me, one I would be glad to forget. That being said, I am back in full swing so this week I want to start the week off on a light note. The following story is purely satire, however it would be funny if it actually […]

By MICHELLE RICCARDI
mia8263(at)gmail.com
Dear cactus i.v. readers,
I want to thank Beth for her support in last week’s column. I’m back at the bank; don’t know for how much longer. Not that I don’t want a stable job but banking might be too boring for me.
Some background on me: I have been working since I was 10 […]

By BEN SZMANDA
This may bum you out: There are people out there that think Vlad Tepes was not in fact the direct source for Dracula. I know, I hate it when some snotty researcher comes along and destroys cherished childhood knowledge too. That whole Pluto thing still gets me angry. But on […]

By ROXY RETAIL
cactusiv(at)gmail.com
I don’t know if I’ve been watching too much Nashville Star lately or what, but it seems everywhere I turn, women are in cowboy hats.
Maybe it’s because I’ve been accompanying my friends to a couple country concerts this summer — I am the cute accessory for my friends, by the way; the cute […]

By JIM MONTANA
jim.montana(at)hotmail.com
Sometimes things look better on paper then they are in actually. One of those things is the Cactus Football League. We have changed the CFL to work like this: Each person will be assigned an NFL team at random. If your team wins, you get one point; if they lose, you will lose […]

by Jim Montana
jim.montana(at)hotmail.com
several weeks ago I was sitting down to enjoy one of my favorite things — a nice, hearty tomato sandwich — when the news cut in with a teaser about how something in my fridge could make me sick. After eating about half of my sandwich then I was told as to what […]

By JIM MONTANA
jim.montana(at)hotmail.com
Let me start this column by saying after a hard few days, I have found my voice again to allow me to write again for the cactus. Anyone who has lost a parent knows the pain you feel, and while there were times that I contemplated leaving writing all together, it was my […]

By JAMES “TATTOO” CHAPRACKI
geocities.com/tattoospinstripipng

By MIA MOVIEFILM
cactusiv(at)gmail.com
I saw Hancock last weekend because the boyfriend wanted to see it. I wanted to see The Strangers but the closest theater playing it was a good 40 minutes away, so I settled.
I’m not the biggest fan of Will Smith… actually the only thing he has going for him is his ears (I […]

By JIM MONTANA
jim.montana(at)hotmail.com
Over the last few days there have been teasers promising something big called the CFL. For those who have not heard, the CFL stands for the Cactus Football League, and it promises to NOT be your friend’s typical fantasy football league.
Here are the basics: The league will consist of 20 teams with the […]

Michelle Riccardi has found her way back to the cactus. You may have found that out yesterday when her column ran, but in case you missed it, that’s why I’m here.
She’s going to start writing again every Sunday. That much is set. The topic, well, that’s always going to be up in the air. The […]

By JIM MONTANA
jim.montana(at)hotmail.com
Note: The person in the photo is me not my father. Just wanted to clear that up so people would not be confused.
It’s funny how in the span of a few hours your life takes a turn. I was sitting down at my father’s ranch in Montana Friday evening working on today’s column […]

On July 22, 2008, the CFL will rock you.
Be ready.
P.S. — That’s cactus Football League for those of you not in the know.

By MICHELLE RICCARDI
mia8263(at)gmail.com
Dear cactus i.v.,
You may or may not remember me, but I was the first food and drink writer and the Cactus Springer co-writer. My name is Michelle. I’m 23 years old and possibly the most confused person YOU’VE ever met. Some may say I make my life as complicated as it is; others […]

Can you beat these guys?
Show your team spirit.
Details: Coming soon.

By BEN SZMANDA
Chuck Palahniuk may be the best writer in the world, I don’t know, I haven’t read him. The books he endorses leave a lot to be desired, though. After reading something by Amy Hempel, an experience so miserable that it left me in a state of hysterical paralysis, I can’t really […]

By ROXY RETAIL
cactusiv(at)gmail.com
I have a lot of things against white pants — none of which have to do with the Justin Timberlake-looking guy in the photo to the left of mine name. Everything about him and his white pants is totally fine with me.
But white pants on people who aren’t topless, showing off their hard […]

Are you ready?
The CFL is coming.
And it has nothing to do with college.

By JAMES “TATTOO” CHAPRACKI
geocities.com/tattoospinstriping

By JIM MONTANA
jim.montana(at)hotmail.com
With all the talk this weekend with the drama unfolding in Green Bay, I wanted to give you the readers inside information concerning the negations surrounding Favre’s return to the frozen tundra, so here is a cactus i.v. exclusive: Brett Favre will be made a backup quarterback.
Hey, I know it’s not an exclusive […]

By DA SOUTHERN
dasouthern(at)gmail.com
Hello cactus lovers. Well, I took a few weeks off to let summer begin, but all is not idle here in TV land with your TV correspondent, DA Southern. Yes, I posted a column mid-June on the series that would be premiering during the summer, but after the Fourth of July, […]

If you are a loyal reader of the cactus, you’ve noticed something different — and I’m not just talking about how Jim Montana is full time ’round these parts.
I’m talking about the artwork.
The category, which has been a cactus staple since the very beginning, has moved to Wednesday. What does that mean, you wonder. Well, […]

By BEN SZMANDA
I was looking for the right baseball metaphor, but I think it’s best to just say it directly: I messed up a few weeks ago. There is no way that my description of Gerald’s Party by Robert Coover did it justice. I didn’t go into detail about the right stuff, […]

By JIM MONTANA
jim.montana(at)hotmail.com
On Thursday Congressman Dennis Kucinich brought before the House of Representatives an article of impeachment against George Bush. Now I more than anybody would love to see George Bush out of office, however (I never thought I would be saying this but…) it is better for the country if Bush finishes out his […]

Today we wish a huge happy birthday to Sooz, sometimes known as Susan, always known as the poker writer.
She turns the big 2-8 today … one year shy of the dreaded 29. You know how women get. They’re so scared of turning 30, they turn 29 about eight times before finally admitting it. Sure, age […]

By JIM MONTANA
jim.montana(at)hotmail.com
I would like to take this week and do a special column dedicated to the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution, the foundation upon which our country is formed. Over the last eight years it has appeared that the current President and his administration has raped and pillaged these two documents, either by […]

By ROXY RETAIL
cactusiv(at)gmail.com
Men have always been thrilled with breasts. I know, I know, I’m not telling you something you didn’t know. Because, ya know what, women know that. There’s a reason every girl who is bigger than a training bra wears low cut shirts.Yes, women — girls, females, whatever — want attention, and hanging your […]

By ROXY RETAIL
cactusiv(at)gmail.com
I was reading the latest Lucky magazine, and it’s saying ruffled tops are in.
Seriously.
Re-read that again. The finger-on-the-pulse magazine is rallying for ruffles.
Eww.
Ruffled tanks are categorically short, always, creating a frumpty look along with it’s unparalleled way to completely shorten your middrift, making you look stumpy.
Where the benefit in any of that?
I can […]

By JIM MONTANA
jim.montana(at)hotmail.com
Every once in a while a candidate comes around that inspires, and this election is one of these times. Barack Obama, the once-unknown Senator from Illinois, has sent the country into a fever pitch over the change that he promises to bring this country. Not since the day of JFK has this country […]

By JAMES “TATTOO” CHAPRACKI
geocities.com/tattoospinstriping

By JIM MONTANA
jim.montana(at)hotmail.com
I will miss George Bush being President for one simple reason: He never fails to provide material to make fun of him.
Monday at the G8 summit was another of those times where Bush provided countless jokes at his expense. While talking to the Nigerian President, Bush summoned the attention of Canada’s Prime […]

By JIM MONTANA
jim.montana(at)hotmail.com
Hello! As Lisa said in her column, we are shaking things up at the cactus. I now will be expanding my columns to a daily basis where I will talk about more than just the current election. I will take a look at the issues behind this election and provide unique perspective on […]

When you’re on fire, what they teach you is to stop, drop, and roll. And that’s what we’re doing at the cactus right now.
As Jim Montana humorously pointed out to me, it seems like the catucs is suffering the effects of a writers’ strike. Not everyone of course, but a lot of the writers are […]

By JIM MONTANA
jim.montana@hotmail.com
Friday former Senator Jesse Helms died. He was 86. Helms played an instrumental part in the career of Ronald Reagan. Beyond the fact that he played a key role in Reagan winning North Carolina in 1976, he was a very outspoken on several issues such gay rights, abortion and AIDS funding. Whether you […]

By LISA SOKOLOWSKI
cactusiv(at)gmail.com
Questioning sexuality seems to be all the rage among teenagers of every generation. Hippies in the ’60s and ’70s broke the barrier with free love. The baby boomers grew up as rebels against flower power children, and that meant stark conservativeness, as far as keeping it in your pants went. The kids of […]

After a long and tedious search, the golden cactus has been returned to it’s rightful owners. Just goes to prove what they say: Never trust the French.
All of this being said, the Newsmaker of the Day award has been returned to it’s rightful owner. So in honor of Independence Day, we proudly give the N.O.D. […]

Part of creating the cactus was to give writers the freedom to write. I wasn’t a music writer at the time, but I wanted to be. So I started a site where I could have the independence to do what I wanted. Other writers, who needed experience to get a job but needed a job to […]