Don’t Put That In Your Mouth
by Jim Montana
jim.montana(at)hotmail.com
several weeks ago I was sitting down to enjoy one of my favorite things — a nice, hearty tomato sandwich — when the news cut in with a teaser about how something in my fridge could make me sick. After eating about half of my sandwich then I was told as to what the mystery item was: tomatoes. Great. So I sat for hours on end wondering if I was going to be sick.
Only last week was I told I could resume my sandwich eating habits, however if you blinked you missed the all clear that was given, only to be told that jalapeño peppers now were banned — screw this i’m going to start eating grass. The point I’m getting to — and yes I do have one — is this the government is quick (although in some cases not quick enough) to tell us that a certain food is dangerous to eat, however when it is deemed safe to eat that food’s name is not cleared. Only by word of mouth does that food get cleared of all stigma attached to it by our government. I take comfort in knowing that my government is watching out for me however it fails to tell me when I am safe.
Another classic example of this is the color coding system that was put in place after the attacks of 9/11. The government was quick to point out what days we were under a risk for attack, nowadays I have no idea what color we are under and nobody told me it was safe to fly.
Food can not speak for itself so when it is labeled as being bad it has to wear that stigma until somebody out there clears its name. I fully expect the Director of Homeland Security to reveal a new color coding system — only this time it will be for foods. Great just what we need — to be under a code orange for security and a code red for foods. If we get the two confused, we’ll be running around afraid to eat oranges and thinking the terrorist are certain to attack.
I beg of you my government, stop scaring us into being afraid to leave our houses or eat food. Is that what the Bush administration wants? To either drive us insane or for us to starve to death? Stop the insanity! For any readers older than 30, you understand what that means. For the rest of you, Google the name Susan Powter.
Until next time keep laughing because when you stop you end up with awkward silence.